tracks of her tears
by rebeccabraxton
Summary: She built a wall in between feelings and herself, but when the man she love's true colours come out she realizes there's only one person she can trust...


**My new story!**

**thank you to everyone who reviewed and favorite protective love ,you all ROCK:) and everyone else who read it...**

**sorry if OOC... :)**

**OMG! this weeks episode was amazing!this story has what I think will happen with Lucy/Joelle , whoever the hell she is ;) I mean I so want Lizzie to be Reds daughter but, I cant help but feel Lucy is? anyways, the end is way off, but I like F/D so I had to change it, anyways from my perspective its F/D but if you want I mean it could also be Lizzington.. I ship both (weird right?)**

**she seems like ( as said in afterbuzz TV about Meera) a sneaky b*tch... :) but I like her character xxx**

**anyhow i hope you enjoy this story/one-shot , I would offer to make it a multi chap, but I don't have the time and don't want to make false promises... Don't forget to Read and Review (sorry 4 long A/N)**

**becca xxx**

_Now im sure you know I don't own the blacklist, I hope :) I wish I did though xxx enjoy_

We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.

Her head nodded down into her chest as tears welled up in her eyes, her breathing ragged and her stomach flipping, swallowing back her sobs and the nauseas feeling growing inside her , her heart breaking in two as she watched the scene unfold before her. She wanted to close what she was watching, she wanted to delete the message and pretend she never saw it , her hands were trembling , sweat building up in her palms. Her chest was rising dangerously, and all she wanted to do was run, but her feet were glued to the spot. How he could do this to her was a question she couldn't even contemplate, but that's all that was going through her mind. Was she not good enough , was it her job, her past. She never asked for anything but _happiness._ She stood up for him! Infront of Red, her colleagues, her bosses, everyone. Even herself.

A wave of anger ran through her viens , her body shook, _anger, hate , love, sadness, BETRAYAL. _She pushed herself up and let out a gut wrenching sob, her body wracked with sobs but most of all hate. She no longer controlled what she did , it just happened. Her arms violently pushed everything on her desk, files, photos, phone, computer, letters…. Everything got thrown to the ground , her vulnerability looking back at her. She leaned her head on the desk and sobbed, really it was all she could do as her heart broke into two. The man she once trusted, the man she once defended , the man she once loved, who she still loved was there, on her screen, unknowingly breaking her heart.

….

A smash echoed through the black site (PO2) causing everyone to turn their heads to the direction of the smash, Red, Ressler and Meera imeadiantly knew this had come from Agent Keens office because her office was next to Donalds which was empty. They both looked at Red who shrugged his shoulders in an instance where he didn't know what was wrong , a world first. Red had an unsure expression on his face glancing to the office every now and again, knowing he had to go in , he let out a defeated sigh. His head down and slowly walking over to her office as everyone watched him go in with caution, worry even.

His knuckles rapped on the door as he leaned his head on the shut wooden door, blinds clamped shut.

"Lizzie" he questioned, a worrying tone seeping through his voice

"GO AWAY" she choked out in a sob causing him more worry

"Lizzie, if you don't let me in I'm going to have to break down this door, which will be a shame" he said calmly, Lizzie didn't reply knowing he was dead serious. On the other side Red stepped back as everyone looked at him shocked and puzzled. "I'm going to knock this door down , so if your sitting behind it I suggest you move" he added calmly. Shrugging his shoulders he turned on an angle, breathing in and exhaling deeply he moved forward and with a swift push he sent the door falling to the ground, smiling to himself because of the gawking faces of the FBI agents . Red walked into the office and headed straight to a Lizzie. Her body was rolled into a ball, knees upto her chin and her head in between her legs as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Lizzie" he whispered moving forward

"Leave me alone" she yelled

" I'm not leaving you alone In this state" he replied looking down making sure there were no pins or clips he would end up sitting on, once his inspection was done he sat down next to her and looked at her face. Lizzies face was stained with tears, her eyes were bloodshot red , body trembling, nose pink and a lump that was visible had appeared in her throat.

"Do you want to tell me whats going on?" he asked her ,looking at her with an intense look in his eyes.

…

"Do you want to tell me whats going on?"

What irritated her most in that entire situation was the fact that she wasn't feeling humiliated, or annoyed, or even fooled. Betrayal was what she felt, her heart broken not just by a guy she was in love with, but also by, as she once believed, a true friend. She looked him in the eye causing him to inhale, her bottom lip quivered and she shook her head.

"Like you don't know" she snapped taking him aback

"I don't know everything" he inquired

"no just everything about me" she pointed out , "why don't you tell me what's wrong?"

"somehow I get the feeling I was right about something or someone" Red smirked causing her to exhale deeply

"So you do know" she sneered

"No! I gave up on trying to convince you that your house wasn't clean afew weeks ago" he smiled causing her to look down, her eyes once again glazed over. Red shuffled closer to her and wrapped his arms around her , Lizzies head leaned on his chest.

"She's really pretty and young" she trailed of feeling Red nod, "She was at the baby shower, substitute teacher, never seen her before the baby shower." A tear rolled down her cheek

"Have you met her?" Red asked and feeling Lizzie nod against his chest he asked her a few questions, "How'd you meet?" he questioned causing her to look straight her mind contemplating something.

"Me and Tom had an argument and went to our bedroom, one of the teachers said I should be having maternity leave and Tom didn't back up my reasons. She walked out of our ensuit, something about this becoming really awkward, claustrophobic, no looking through cupboards, really ditzy." She said slowly causing Red to look at her

"And you didn't ask why she was in your ensuit?" Red asked catching on something was going on

"I was to busy arguing with my cheating husband. She's really pretty Red," she cried he rubbed her shoulders anger building up in him,

_No one hurt his Lizzie, and gets away with it _

"What's her name"

"Ummm, Joelle something, didn't get much out of her" At this Red let her go, he looked into her eyes shocked

'What? Red, do you know her" she asked hope building up in her eyes, his hand went into his pant pocket looking for the newspaper article "red" she questioned,

"This woman" he showed her the paper, Elizabeth took the paper and examined the article and photo. Nodding he looked at her in concern.

"We have found the next blacklister" he said bluntly "assassin" it was now Lizzie realized what he was saying

"Tom knows her" she whispered looking down a stray tear rolling down her cheek

"I'm sorry Lizzie"

"why'd he have to do this to me!" she sobbed her fists plunging into his chest, At this point in time all he could do was let her take her anger out on someone, without any thought that someone would be him

"Lizzie the world isn't a fair place, now you'll see everything in black and white ,but its not, just different shades of grey" he answered her question

"Tom doesn't deserve you lizzie"


End file.
